There are certain things in life that are just BAD IDEAS. Sometimes in our family, these things come up and I have to tell everyone: "That's a bad idea. A really bad idea." This is for self-preservation purposes. Dads know that most BAD IDEAS come back to bite THEM in the butt.
Case in point. My family wants to get a pet. This, to me, is a BAD IDEA.

Here are 43 reasons why.
#1 Animals smell bad. You can't deny it. Every time you enter a house where a dog or cat lives, you know it AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE THE DOOR. God made them smell so that you wouldn't confuse them with toys or relatives.

#2 Animals are expensive. Another good point if I do say so my darn self. First you BUY a pet (plan on spending between $100 and $1000). Then you have to get it shot, clipped and neutered. Over and over again. (Except the neutering. Boy, I hope that's a permanent thing!). Count on every trip to the veterinarian costing $300.

#3 Animals take up your time. I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. I'm just saying that when you think about getting a pet, you have to think very carefully. You have to go over every aspect of life as a Pet Owner and make sure that you are ready for that commitment. Are you ready to walk the dog when it is raining, snowing AND earthquaking out? Are you ready to be constantly picking 'residue' off your couch, rug and/or person? Are you prepared to clean up after your pet, even when he has just done a huge doody in the park and no one else was looking? The same questions are very effective when considering whether or not one should start having children.

#43 Despite the promises the rest of the family makes, Dad will end up doing most of the work,even though he was against the idea in the first place.
NOTE TO ANIMAL LOVERS/ACTIVISTS: I personally don't have a problem with many different types of animals (except yappy little dogs and most housecats). I'm just saying that in my case, I don't think it would be practical to introduce a pet to our family unit. If I have any say in the matter, it won't be happening for a long time.

NOTE TO MY WIFE: I definitely have a say in this matter. I hope this is okay with you.
As I was saying, some things are just BAD IDEAS. So the other night, when my wife started talking about ways for my son to earn extra money, I knew we
were entering BAD IDEALAND.

My Wife: "I think your son should get a paper route."
Me: "Give me one good reason."
My Wife: "It will teach him responsibility."
Me: "Give me one more good reason."
My Wife: "He'd have his own spending money and not have to borrow from us."
Me: "Give me 43 more reasons."
Despite my best efforts to the contrary, my son became the newest delivery boy for my newspaper. On the way home from work on Friday, I was struck by
an idea.
Me: "Say, honey, who is going to HELP our son with his delivery route day in and out, in the rain, sleet and snow?"
My Wife: "W-e-ll-ll, I kind of thought we both could help out." TRANSLATION: You.
Me: "Really." TRANSLATION: Nuts!The night of our first delivery, our whole family helped out. We delivered papers to seventy houses in our neighbourhood. It took us two hours. My Wife: "Wow. I didn't know it would take so long. Maybe this was a bad idea."
Me: "I just begged my office to give my kid a job. I can't tell them we don't want it."
My Wife: "Well, if you insist. But we can't ALL go out for two hours every night. You are going to have to help him yourself. Why are you rubbing your pants?"
Me: "Something just bit me in the butt again."