Oh Cottage cheese, oh cottage cheese
Your taste just brought me to my knees
Your lumpy whiteness mystifies
You’re good for me, I can’t deny
Oh cottage cheese, oh cottage cheese
Next time just pull my tongue out please!

Sorry, I just felt like venting.

Yes, we are into week four of The New Us! Our diet is changing bit by bit (or, in Danish, muesli pur muesli) and we are both sleeping better.
Even Lyle’s weekly visits have become a part of our routine. Unfortunately, his workouts haven’t. Every time the guy comes over, he changes everything. One time we do squats, the next time we do pushups. And he’s not satisfied with just NORMAL exercises—oh no! He has to change everything up. “Just do the bottom six inches of your squat” and “Do your pushups with your arms as far apart as possible—now do ten more!”
I’m telling you, these workouts would make a grown man cry. Imagine what they do to me…
One thing that I really like about them, though, is that we have them in the privacy of our own home and not in a gym full of (burly) people. That is good because if I hear snickering when I’m working out, I can easily narrow down the field of suspects. Plus it’s easier to pay attention to Lyle.
Me: “Hey Lyle. What are these lumps on my arms?”
Lyle: “Those are muscles.”
Me: “What? No way! HONEY, I HAVE MUSCLES!!”
My Wife: “What? No way!”
Lyle: “All right. Let’s get to work, you two. Push up position. Mark, spread your arms out wider. Wider. Wider. Good. Now go until I tell you to stop.”
Me: “Hhhmph. O-n-e.”
My Wife: “I think I have one of those crampy-thingies.”
Lyle: “Ooh, I hate those. Try stretching it out.”
Me: “Mmmmph. Ss-sev-en.”
My Wife: “Still kind of crampy.”
Lyle: “Try rubbing it and stretching it at the same time.”
Me: “Huuph. Mmmph. Grrrrr. Ff-ff-four-t-teen.”
Lyle: “How does that feel?”
My Wife: “Good!”
Me: “Hhnnrrr-s-s-sxtnnnn”
Lyle: “Alright. Now I want you to do ten more, with your arms three inches farther apart. Mark? Mark?”
Me: “ZZZZZZZZZ”
Lyle: “Man, I know that exercise helps you to sleep better, but this boy has to work on his timing.”
My Wife: “I’ll tell him that when he comes to.”