Men, are your marriages in trouble? Are your wives constantly complaining about things that you have no control over? Listen up, because I think I can help (at least, I can help you to understand what is going on. Don't count on anything useful after that...)
At the Thrice household, my wife's chief complaint is that I don't "see" things. Actually she has a lot of chief complaints including "Why would you spend money on THAT?", "Why would you say that when you KNOW how moody I am?" and "Why do you think Monty Python is so funny when it's actually stupid?"
What she means by "seeing things" is "noticing things that are important to her" ie wearing a nice shirt and NOT accessorizing with my favourite sneakers; wiping the mirror off after I brush my teeth and closing all the cupboard doors after breakfast.
Yes, I can sense your disbelief from here.
I keep telling her that it's not like I am consciously deciding on doing something that I know she wouldn't like, or that I am conscious at all. It's just that I truly don't see those things--until they are pointed out to me with a very angry frown. THEN I see them...
I was so relieved the other day when I made a discovery: wives have the same problem except not for useless things, such as the position of the toilet seat, but for important things such as the world of electronics. Yes, its true and here is the proof:
For our anniversary, I decided to get my wife the big screen tv I knew she wanted for our bedroom. I wanted to have it bought and installed as a surprise so that it would be harder for her to return for a refund. The first step was to get my friend PomPom to put in a receptacle.
"But wait," you say, "wouldn't she SEE the new receptacle on the wall and be alerted to your tomfoolery?"
ANSWER: If I decorated the room, the receptacle would have been obvious. HOWEVER, I did not decorate the room, hence the quilt rack and quilt-that-is-not-a-REAL-quilt-we-would-EVER-use-on-our-bed. These two items have been living, nailed to our bedroom wall for the past 5 years. (guys, don't ask.)
Anyways, after I took the quilt rack ensemble down and PomPom installed the receptacle, I replaced everything exactly as it had been. That night, IN THE DARK, my wife said: "Has that quilt moved?"
Exactly one week later, while we were on a date, my friend Joe removed it completely and replaced it with the new television. Later that night, when we returned, my wife left her shoes at the door and went immediately to the bedroom to get her PJs on. We were all expecting a scream of delight (or at least a scream) but heard NOTHING! NOTHING!!
She was in our bedroom for five minutes and it's not like its this HUGE cavern where you could miss a big screen tv because you are looking at the fine art on the wall...
Nope. She was two feet away from her brand new big screen television for five minutes AND NEVER EVEN NOTICED IT. And the lights were on.
So the next time your wife is on your case about not noticing something that you should have seen, just remember that she has her weaknesses too. In fact, if you hide behind the entertainment centre, she might not even see you.